[ 소원 카페 ]
Friday, May 10, 2013 8:30 PM
Hi guys, I'm here to apologize once again for not meeting the promised deadline...................

I'm sure all of you guys are waiting for me to post; I'm sorry to have let you down :(

I'm having my exams now, so I'll be sure to post after them, alright ^^

Thank you so much for your continuous support; you guys are the best!!!

And once again, I am terribly sorry.... ;__;


I'M BACK AFTER 342O8423984724 YEARS
Wednesday, March 27, 2013 2:52 PM
Hi, guys! I'm really sorry I haven't been updating Souhaiter, or this blog. :( I never got around to posting!

And I'm here.. to tell you that the next chapter on fanfiction will be posted probably this or next week.

Guys, thank you forever for waiting so patiently for me!!!!! xx And I'm sorry. *bows down*

To make up, I'll do my best to give you guys a heart-wrenching, fantabulous story!


Attention! Chapter 11
Sunday, January 6, 2013 9:45 PM
Yeah, sorry for not updating the story for so long, guys! Just that school's starting again,and gawd add maths is like a foreign language. Anyway, I lost my draft book *urrrk* Don't worry, it should probably be somewhere in my room under all the piles of books. I'll try to update ASAP! I'm sort of stuck, too. I don't really know how to carry out the development between Louise and Sebastian; I'm wondering "Is it too fast for this?" and stuff. I'm having doubts (´A`。) I also don't know how to carry the story out from that point; I don't know how to connect this part to the next one zomg.

*sighs* But, I shall give it my all and best. So please look forward to the next chapter! *smile smile*
( ´ ▽ ` )ノ


Chapter 3
Friday, December 28, 2012 6:13 PM

Chapter 3

I opened the door to my house. "Sorry, it's not that big..," I said.

"It isn't a problem at all," he replied.

I passed the living room and stood at the entrance of my little brother's room, which was right next to mine.

"Is this room okay?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you. It is more than enough." He gave me one of his charming smiles. I smiled back.

"Okay then. Ah- I have to move all of his things out..," I said, observing the room.

"I will do that. Do not worry," Sebastian replied.

"Um I'll help you-"

"No, please, it is alright. Although I really do appreciate the volunteer, a fine young lady should not do any of these things. It will only tire her out." Another one of his radiant smile.

Wait, whattt? Okay then. I looked at him.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, really."

That cat-like smile. (¬_¬) 

"Hmm… I guess you can put them outside at the living room. I'll be in my room if you um.. need me, okay?" I said.

"Yes, young miss."

I went in my room and closed the door. My desk was quite messy, as usual. I sat down on the chair in front of it. Today was Saturday.

I sighed. The sky was cloudy and grey. I loved grey skies. They gave me a feeling of comfort somehow. Grey skies are so beautiful. I decided to just draw something, a girl. I really liked drawing and thinking up of new characters. I'd been doing it since I was four.
The drawing was done, much to my satisfactory. I decided to ink it. I looked back at it with pride and satisfaction.

Then I decided to see how Sebastian was doing.

(o Д o)

Everything was out. All my little brother's toys, clothes, books and the bookshelf. In just ten minutes. I stared at Sebastian. He smirked, satisfied.

"It's all done, young miss."

"You.. Did you seriously do this in 15 minutes?" said, mouth agape.

"Well, actually I could have done it in sooner, but I decided to not rush it," he said, putting his hand on his chin, looking thoughtfully.

"..Wow. Good job!" I said staring, still in shock.

"It was nothing, young miss." Sebastian bowed, smirking.

Oh my goodness.. Did he seriously move those things by himself?

"What should I do with the books and clothes?" I thought out aloud.

"Why don't you donate them to the charity, if you do not have any need for them?" he suggested.

"Hmm. That's a good idea. But.. Isn't the procedure quite complicated?" I said.

"You can leave all the calculations and complicated things to me," Sebastian said, smiling.

So sparkly.. My eyes hurt!

"Okay, thanks. Can you find out a charity organization whose help is most needed then?"

"Yes, young miss. Ah- I will take care of all of your bills, the will, and other related things too, so you do not have to worry."

"Ah! Thank you!" I grinned.

"You're welcome. Well then, I will go find some information regarding the charity organization now." He bowed.

"Oh-, you can use the laptop that's in the living room."

"Of course, young miss. Thank you," he smiled. He bowed, and was going to leave when I stopped him suddenly.

"Ah-wait-" I held him back by his arm. "Sorry. Um.. I'm hungry, but there's not much left to eat.."

Sebastian smiled. "Breakfast-ah- lunch will be ready in fifteen minutes." He left for the kitchen. 
Whoa. He was so tall. ( ̄□ ̄;) He made me feel really short.

I walked back into my room. The bunny clock of mine read one in the afternoon. I was surprised. Already?

I unconsciously touched my side fringe. My eyes trailed to the mark on my left hand. Hmm. It was purple. Stars were better than any other shapes like hearts. The contract was actually prettier than I thought.

I walked into the kitchen, Where Sebastian was cooking. "Hey, Sebastian. Why did you brand a mark on me?" I asked.

"Well, young miss. I did not only brand you; I have the mark too." He held up his left hand up for me to see, smiling the cat-smile. "I did it as a proof of our contract, and as I said, so that you will not be able to run away from me. And I from you." He smirked. I felt a shiver run down my spine when he said that I couldn't 'run away' from him. His left hand had the same mark as mine.

"Huh- I see." I looked away from his smirk, and tried my best to smile. But the 'you can't escape' thing was making me slightly nervous somehow. (・▽・;)

I went off. Very soon, he called me to eat.

(o Д o)

My eyes widened. A feast had been prepared. Spaghetti, salad, omelette and others.

"Sebastian.." I looked over at him, who was cat-smiling.

"Yes, young miss?"

"This.. this is a bit too much!" I said.

"I apologize. Next time I will prepare less," he replied, and bowed.

"Ah-Um.. Yeah. Thanks!" I sat down.

"Well, then.. Please excuse me. I will clean up the kitchen." He bowed and left.

I tried some spaghetti, and was so surprised that I nearly dropped the fork that I was using. It was unbelievably delicious. I blinked. Whoa!

And in a matter of minutes, I had finished nearly everything. My stomach was so full, it was hard to walk properly. I was about to pick up the plates to put them in the kitchen when Sebastian called from the kitchen. "Please leave them there. I will clean up."

"Oh.. Okay," I said.

" I will take care of the paperworks and the will tomorrow," he said.

"Ah, yeah. Thanks!" I replied, grateful.

"Really, you're too nice, young miss," Sebastian smirked, coming out of the kitchen to clean up the table.

"Hahaha. Really? Thanks." I grinned smoothly. Inside, I felt complimented and was blushing.
After dinner at night (which didn't disappoint me, as well), I took a bath in my mother's bathroom. I'd decided that Sebastian could have the bathroom near our room, while I used the one in my parent's bedroom.

He'd asked me if I wanted to move my room to my parent's one, which was much bigger, but I'd immediately refused. I didn't want to have that big, vast, lonely room to myself.

After we bid each other goodnight, I went to sleep in my room. I clicked off the lights, and sat on my bed. I brought my legs up to my chest and hugged them. I'd never been afraid of the dark, but now I was unsure.

And before I knew it, I was crying again, feeling really alone.

Feeling like a lost little girl.

It hurt to think of almost anything right now; I had never in my life felt so lonely and isolated inside.

Endless thoughts of regret were swimming around in my head. I closed my eyes.

I'd fallen asleep.

I dreamt of falling down a cliff- it was one of those dreams that waked you up jerkily- and my family was on the cliff. I awoke with a jolt. It took a while for me to calm down. I breathed in and out slowly. I didn't like those falling dreams. They always felt so real.

I turned the doorknob of my room 's door quietly, and exited my room quietly. It was completely dark, with no light, except for the one coming out from the gap underneath Sebastian's room's door.

I didn't want to go back to sleep. I didn't feel comforted. I might as well see what Sebastian was doing. I reached for his doorknob, then hesitated. After some time, I decided to just do it. I knocked.

"Please come in," his smooth voice came in reply.

『Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST 2- Amicae carae meae

I opened the door, and entered, closing it behind me softly.

"Ah. Young miss. You couldn't sleep?" he asked. He was wearing a pair of reading glasses and sitting in front of the desk, working on something that involved a stack of papers. I nodded and made a sound in reply. The room was only lighted by a desk lamp, which was quite bright.

"What are you doing..?" I asked softly, looking at the stack of papers.

"The charity organization paperwork."

"Thanks," I said. I sat down in a dark corner. I hugged my legs again, falling into a train of thoughts, and trying to comfort myself. The memories and the dreams came crashing like a tide almost immediately, making me start. I didn't like this at all. My breathing quickened a bit.

I heard Sebastian sigh softly, and walking over towards me. My heart beat quickened.

Wait, what are you doing? Don't come over here!

To my extreme surprise, he carried me like I was a little child, and put me on his lap. He was sitting cross-legged on the wooden floor. He smoothed my hair, and brought me close to his upper body, trying to comfort me.

"You should just let it all out, young miss. It's not really good to hold it in."

I blinked. I felt safer when he was holding me. It was comforting. I started to feel better. I hugged him and cried, using one hand to consistently wipe my eyes. I felt safe, warm, and fuzzy. It reminded me of a time when I was lost as a kid-but I'd found my mother. I had cried in relief then. That was when I was four. It was cozy then, hugging her while I cried. It felt almost the same now. He smelled nice, like the smell of fresh laundry.

Sebastian patted my back softly. My head didn't even reach his chin. When I calmed down enough, I leaned my head against his chest. I took a shuddering breath.

"Do you feel better now?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. It felt good being hugged. By a very gorgeous-looking guy too. Just kidding. I knew I shouldn't think of things like this, but I couldn't help it. When I realized what I was doing now, I nearly bolted out of the door, wanting to hide myself. I felt exposed. This was a part of me that I didn't want anyone to see;no one was supposed to see this part of me.

But I decided to just let it slide this once. I would think about all that later.

"Shall I bring you some hot milk?" he asked me.

After a while, I nodded.

I never really had my milk hot. I usually always drank it cold. Not that I particularly love it. I sat on the space next to him.

"I shall be back soon." He stood up, bowed, and left the room quietly.

I lied down on the hard, cold floor and covered my eyes with the back of my arm. When Sebastian came back with the mug of hot milk, I sat up. I received the mug from him. It smelled really nice. I thanked him.

I blew it and sipped it. It tasted very different from cold milk. He sat opposite me.

"Sebastian?" I said quietly.

"Yes, young miss?"

"Thank you for everything. Honestly.. I'm really thankful."

"No, it's nothing," he replied, smiling a calm smile. "I am just one hell of a butler."

One hell.. Considering he was a demon, it really did have another meaning to it; a pun. I chuckled. I finished up the rest of the milk, and handed the mug over to him. I stood up.
"Goodnight, Sebastian," I said. I smiled slightly.

He stood up and bowed. "Goodnight, young miss."

I went into my mother's bathroom to rinse my mouth with water. Then I walked back into my room. I settled with my favourite teddy named Jenny, fromamong the many soft toys I had, and went to bed.

This time, I was able to sleep without any dreams plaguing me.


Chapter II
Friday, December 14, 2012 10:02 PM
Attention! Anna's angle~extra chapter~ is up, everyone! Click here to read it!     
 I'll be posting chapter two now!

Chapter 2

Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST 2- Signum malum

When I woke up in the morning, I felt numb and dazed. I got up, cleaned, and put on a white skirt with big pleats and a sky blue shirt with a ribbon. I walked into my parent's bedroom. Empty. I opened the door to my brother's room. … Empty too. My eyes were starting to tingle again. I swallowed, forcing them not to come out.

I locked the door and closed the gate. It was around nine in the morning, and the sunlight was soft, although the weather wasn't warm. I clicked the down button, waiting for the elevator.
I didn't know where I was headed. I just walked on the pavement of the apartment area. This condominium area had a total of five apartments and a pool. I kept walking, until I realized that I had come to a small clearing that was full of flowers which weren't blooming yet, due to the cold January weather.

A teardrop fell, followed by many others. I couldn't them stop this time. My trembling legs collapsed.

…This wasn't fair at all.Did I deserve this kind of thing?

..Does.. god really exist?

I wish I'd treated my mom better; I'd always been quite rude.. I would also never get to hear my father joking and laughing along with my brother.

I suddenly remembered my father in the picture.

Wings. Big, feathery, white ones.

'You.. you're not human.."

…No. It couldn't be. Those kinds of things didn't exist. Must have been an edited photo. No way it can.. be.. real.., right?

"Who am I? No, what am I? Someone tell me!" I cried to no one in particular, venting out my stress, fear, frustration and sadness.

"Should I help you find out?"

Rustle. An indication that someone else was here. Behind me.

I blinked. What?

I dried my tears and covered my red nose with my muffler. I turned. "What?"

There.. was the most stunningly, good-looking man I ever saw. Right in front of me. I took a sharp intake of breath. Could such a beautiful thing even exist? He had raven black hair, and luscious wine-red eyes. He was really tall.

"Do you want to make a contract with me?" he smirked in a way similar to a cat.

"Contract? Wait.. Are you.. um.. human?" I asked. I knew it was really silly, but I had this queer urge to ask. He, the person whom I was facing, was extremely good-looking to the point where is was hard to believe such a person even existed. He looked quite young too.

"Would you believe me if I said that I was a demon?" he chuckled.

"..Haha. I'm not so sure." I stared at him. He smirked right back at me. "What contract were you talking about?"

"Ah, yes. I will be absolutely under your command, and will protect and serve you until you reach your 'goal', whatever that may be. There is a condition though", he said. " All this, in exchange for your sou-" he stopped suddenly, and looked as if pondering on something. Then he continued. 

"All this, in exchange that I get to do whatever I want with you after you arrive at your 'destination point.'" He smirked. Well. He certainly did look satisfied. -_-;;

I thought in silence.

"I advise you to decide upon this offer wisely. Are you sure you want to abandon light?"

Abandon light? Huh. Was there even light in the first place? What do I actually even have left to lose?

I swallowed. "You.. You're not lying, right? You won't go back on your words, right..?" I quietly asked. There must have been something wrong with me, agreeing to some weird contract with a stranger. But I didn't have anything left. It was either I trust him, or I fall down into the deepest hole of despair, without anyone to depend on. I decided not to choose the latter.

"Absolutely. I am a man of his' words," he smirked.

"Okay. Hey.. Can you revive someone from the dead?" I asked. "You're a demon, right?" I was starting to feel light-headed and dizzy.

"Unfortunately, I cannot, as the dead is the dead," he said, with a slightly apologetic smile.

"Then.. stay by my side, and help me to.. find out what I am," I slowly said.

"Certainly," he replied, bowing.

If there were such things as demons, then there must be such things as angels too. That would explain my father's.. Wait. What does that make me then? What about my mom?

My mind was whirling, trying to find the piece of logic that would somehow link this whole mess together.

"Then, shall we make the contract now?" he asked, looking at me. I nodded emotionlessly. "Where do you want it to be?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, clearly puzzled.

"I will put a mark on you, as proof of our deal. The more on a visible place the mark is, the stronger it will be. Also, it is so that we cannot run away from each other," he smiled like a cat. I felt a chill out of nowhere. Right.

I thought for awhile. Then, I lifted my left hand towards him. "On the back of my left hand." I still had no idea what he was going to do. He held my hand with his left hand, and touched the back of it with his right hand. He was wearing white gloves.

Like a butler.

As his hand came into contact with mine, I felt this sudden, hot, searing pain on my hand. I nearly wrenched my hand back by instinct. I'd been standing, but now I collapsed to the ground on my knees. Then suddenly, it shined with white light so bright I had to close my eyes and look away. "Ow, ow." I said. I bit my lips, and held onto his hand tighter.

Then, as both the pain and light began to fade, I tried to blink away the dark spots and saw proof of our contract: A purple, circular mark with a big star on the middle. It was right on the back of my left hand.

"I am yours to command," he said, bowing like a gentleman the old-fashioned way. He got on his knees, bowing. "I will act as your bodyguard and butler. What is your order?"
I stayed silent, trying to process all that was happening. Contract? Demon? What?

"Young miss?"

Young miss? I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked you to give me an order," he cat-smiled.

"Oh.. then.. Why don't we get to know each other first? What's your name?" I asked.

He looked quite surprised at this. "Of course, my lady."

"I'll start. I'm Louise Morgenstern." I smiled at him.

He held out a hand to me. Oh. It was then that I realized that I was still on the ground. My tears were long dried now. I gratefully accepted it, and stood up. I took a few unsteady steps, and nearly tripped. The person whose name I still didn't know caught me right before I fell.

"Thank you," I said, brushing myself.

"It was nothing," he cat-smiled. I wonder if this person ever got angry. Hmm.

"What would you like to call me?" he asked.

I looked at him. "I have to.. give you a name?" I asked, very surprised.

"Well, yes," he replied.

"Um.. uh.. What were you called before? I mean you must have been called something, right?" I twisted a few strands of my long, wavy hair around my index finger.

"Hmm.., Well, I used to be called Sebastian Michaelis."

"Oh, really? That name suits you somehow. I wonder why? I'll call you that, then. Do I just call you Sebastian? Are you.. fine with it?" I asked him.

He bowed, and replied, "Of course, young lady. Just call me Sebastian."

I was definitely going to have to get used to the 'young miss' and 'young lady' thing. For the first time since I heard the drastic news of my family, I felt better a bit. A teensy little bit. Well, I was the type of girl to easily smile at just about anything.

"Hey.. How did you find me? I mean, was it just a coincidence that you were nearby?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I was attracted to your soul's distress and depression," he simply said. Then he cat-smiled.

"Oh.. I.. see." ..Right. I didn't whether to feel insulted or complimented. I looked at him incredulously. He smiled radiantly back at me.

"Okay then. Let's go up now," I said.

"Of course, young miss."

"Hey.. Sebastian?"


"What do you like? Like for example, any food or animal or some other thing."

"Ah. I find cats very likeable and attractive." His eyes were shining; he certainly seemed like he loved them.

"Oh? Really? That's pretty.. unexpected. But I don't know what I was expecting either. Buuut I like cats too. They really are cute," I laughed. Mostly, I was laughing at Sebastian's love for cats. It seemed funny. "Do you like dogs?"

"Dogs? I can't say that I like them," he said. He didn't look too pleased.

"Why not?"

"They aren't as pleasant as cats," he thoughtfully said.

"Hnn~. I see."

Okay, chapter 2 ends here!

A picture draft of Louise that I drew. Got the clothes from Popteen magazine LOLOL. Popteen's a popular Japanese teen fashion magazine. 

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Chapter I!
Thursday, December 13, 2012 10:39 PM
 So. I've decided to re-post my chapters here. Except that it'll include pictures (which I draw in my original hand-written chapters which I then type out) The songs will be in these marks 

I also decided to add the song thingy here. (The song titles I put sometimes between my stories) So you can feel what the atmosphere feels like (Wth I sound so cheesy) The song titles will be in these marks.

『these marks!

Here's the first chapter! Enjoy!    

Chapter 1

"I am really sorry to inform you that your.. family died in a car crash."


I stared at the phone incredulously. "Um,.. please repeat that." I hoped with all my might that I just misheard what I thought I heard. It wasn't possible.

"Your family died in a car crash. We're really sorry-"The rest of the nurse's words did not reach my ears. I dropped the phone, my hand trembling.

No. This couldn't be real.

I dialed my father's phone number with my own phone. No one picked up. I tried at least three times. Then I tried calling my mom. She didn't pick up too.
I swallowed slowly. My palms were sweaty. My parents and little brother had gone grocery shopping two hours earlier. I impatiently brushed my fringe away.

After another three hours, I collapsed and cried, fear and shock gripping my heart. I cried like it was the end of the world. I didn't scream out loud; I never cried that way. Bucketfuls of tears just streamed down endlessly. Whenever I wiped them away, new ones would emerge immediately.

I lost my family.
I lost my family.

By now, I was crying to the point that I was hiccupping badly. As I went to get a box of tissues from the living room, I nearly tripped due to my body which felt heavy and my reluctant legs. I spotted a leather bound book deep in the cupboard which contained many tissues and wrapping papers. I flipped through the book once. It was my mom's schedule planner which she'd used around twenty years ago.

Suddenly, a photograph fell out of one of the pages. It was a picture of my parents, before they were married. My tears were starting to cry again.

I tried to compose myself, and failed miserably. It was then that I noticed something. From my father's back, two, large, pure-white feathery wings protruded. I stared and stared. I rubbed my eyes. It looked extremely, nerve-rackingly real. I doubted that photoshop existed twenty years ago. I sighed. I didn't get anything. I put the picture away, tears still flooding my vision.

I stood up. I decided that I needed some fresh air to tidy up my thoughts. I put on a coat and locked the house door with the spare key that was always at home. I closed the gate and clicked the elevator button. I lived in a condominium which consisted of eight floors each. I exited the condominium area, and started walking towards the shopping complex downtown, which was nearby. A close breeze brushed me on my face. Maybe I should have worn a slightly thicker coat.
As I started walking in an alleyway, I heard catcalls and whistling coming from not far from where I was. I felt myself stiffening. I fastened my walking pace and avoided eye contact with any of those lowly men.

I came out of the alleyway, breathing out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I slapped it away instinctively, and turned to face the owner of the hand.

It was actually a tall boy who looked around a year or two older than me, to my surprise. He looked equally surprised at my reaction. I'd slapped his hand. "Could you please tell me where the coffee shop Starbucks is?" he asked. He had silver hair, and curious blue eyes. Just like the deep, blue sea. Actually- when I looked properly, I saw that his hair was actually golden; it looked like platinum blond on closer inspection.

"Oh.. sorry.. It's that way. You just have to keep on walking north. It's not far from here." I pointed at the direction. Although I was relieved, I was still on my guard and cautious of this person.

"Thank you". He started to walk away. Suddenly, he abruptly stopped. He turned to look at me. 

"You… you're not human,"he slowly said. His blue eyes seemed to stare right through me.

Puella in somnio- Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST 1

You... you're not human.

The words hung in the air, echoing in my mind. My long, wavy hair swayed in the cold, winter air. I blinked.

He had disappeared into the crowd of people in front of me. I turned to look for him. I was near a couple of malls near the alleyway from before. He was gone.

I decided to go home.

I desperately hoped that they would be there. My mom, who I fought with often, but had fun times with too. My father, who was always there for me, and understood me the best. My brother, who I always teased and found annoying, but nevertheless, loved him.

If I had known that this was going to happen, I would have been a lot nicer. I would have been a nicer daughter. A better sister. I was starting to cry again. Deep inside, I knew that they wouldn't be here anymore, but I still wanted to hope.


The house was empty and vacant as I entered it. I swallowed slowly, a lump forming in my throat.

That night, I cried myself to sleep. I fell into a dark abyss as I felt my mind slipping away.


Monday, December 3, 2012 9:50 PM

Hello everyone! Little Miss Haine here  ( ´ ▽ ` ) Now the site's up! This is the site for Souhaiter, my Kuroshitsuji fanfiction. I'll be posting updates about the story here- like when the next chapter will be up, why I'm late in updating, and stuff. I'll be posting character drawings, drafts, and etc. here. This isn't my blog, my blog is over here! 

So I'll try to update soon ^ ^ Oh the next chapter's going to be from Anna's perspective- it won't exactly be a chapter; more of an extra. It'll be about what she thinks of this whole thing that has happened so far. Heheh.

Here's a draft drawing of Louise!

This is kinda how she looks like..

And this is a rough sketch of Anna.

Of course I had to keep in mind that Anna should be cute, pretty, doll-like. But.. I think she turned out kind of too mature-looking?  ( ´ ▽ ` "")  Hahaha. Drawings were all drawn by me. (★^O^★)

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Hello, there! I am Little Miss Haine! This blog is dedicated to my Kuroshitsuji fanfiction, Souhaiter . My real blog is over here hehe. I post updates and changes made to the story here. And pictures and extras too ^ ^

The Story ★


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